Grief

I’ve read there are 5 different stages of grief.  I think grief is so much more than just 5 stages.  My grief isn’t about the denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance mine is so much more than that for Alec.  Everyday I miss the sound of his voice the phone calls and about how he feels.  I would hear from him everyday and if I didn’t, he made sure I knew what was going on, so I wouldn’t worry.  I never got angry when Alec passed nor did I have denial about it, however I did get sad.  My sadness wasn’t depression but it was a true sadness that I was missing someone I loved very much.

I didn’t get angry because there are reasons thing happen they way they do.  God stepped in I believe and did not allow Alec to suffer any longer with his addiction.  I could never be angry at God taking Alec. Alec’s addiction had overcome him not allowing him to be himself.  Alec was so very tired of his addiction maybe it was the right time for God to take him home.  His destiny was already determined by God before he was born and to have him the 27 years was a blessing.

Denial, how can you deny God’s plan for your child’s life. Denial will never be a part of my grief as long as I live on this earth.  How can anyone deny God’s plans?  I cannot!!

Bargaining why would I bargain? Who would I bargain with, GOD? It was already determine, Alec’s life would end and bargaining would not change God’s plan for his life.

Depression, NO complete sadness that my youngest son will no longer be here on earth. Alec will not marry, have more children or even own a home.  Sadness his daughter will never truly know that he was a kind, funny, caring person that will give her away when she marries.  He won’t see her graduate from high school or college.  He won’t get to see the strong, funny, loving caring woman she will become in days ahead.  It was God’s plan and he must know his daughter will overcome and be a great woman.

Acceptance?? YES, I have accepted this is God’s plan but I know one day I will walk, talk and hold his hand again.  I will see him smile and be healthy without addiction.  I am truly looking forward to that day. God is good in away that there is peace in knowing we will see each other again in heaven.

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